Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
Randomize