Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
