You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
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