the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
Randomize
