Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
Randomize
