You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
Randomize
