Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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