Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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