I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Randomize
