fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
Randomize
