we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
you're hired as official boob wrangler
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
Randomize
