Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
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