By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
Randomize
