Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
I want to be your penis for a week.
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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