it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
Randomize