I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
Randomize