I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
