I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
Damn victory sex feels great
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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