I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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