How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
Randomize
