Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
Randomize
