Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
it's great music for shaving your balls
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
Randomize
