soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
Randomize
