You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
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