I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
Randomize
