Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
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