you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
Randomize