I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
how drunk are you?
Several
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Randomize
