Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Randomize
