Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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