my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
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