so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
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