1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
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