Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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