Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
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