Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
Randomize
