I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
Good cause the way I see it, we are down to DAYS left of college so we should have as much naked fun as possible. And Jenga really facilitates that.
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
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