Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
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