I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
