Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Randomize
