My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Randomize
