quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
third nipple confirmed
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
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