I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
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