his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
Randomize
