I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
