according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
Randomize
