whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
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