so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
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