So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
Randomize
