Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
Randomize
