I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
Randomize
