I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
Randomize