# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
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