If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Randomize
