I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
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