She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
