Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
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