I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
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