xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
I need moral support for this bender
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Randomize
