you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
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