I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
Randomize
