I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
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