im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
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