I only kidnapped one of them. chill
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
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