I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Randomize