I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Randomize
